


Not Everyone Can Be Strong, Some People Just Hurt

by artsyspikedhair



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anorexia, Boggarts, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Dementors, Eating Disorders, Gen, Parent/Child Incest, Poor Draco
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-12 12:36:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5666269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyspikedhair/pseuds/artsyspikedhair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Professor Lupin cares about his students.<i> All<i><i></i></i></i> of his students.<br/>Or the one where Draco has problems and his teachers notice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Everyone Can Be Strong, Some People Just Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> I've never been raped, so I am using my imagination in terms of flashbacks and such. If this offends you or is misleading or unrealistic in any way, let me know in the comments.

Draco Malfoy was not prepared for third year Defense Against the Dark Arts. 

More specifically, Draco was not prepared to deal with the first class of the year. He had shown up not expecting anything good from this teacher, who he had heard from Blaise was a Muggle born. But then Professor Lupin began the lesson, and it was clear they were going to be learning about Boggarts. 

Draco Malfoy asked to go to the bathroom. Goyle gave him a worried look, but Draco sent him an expression of what he hoped showed his utter apathy about the lesson, and Goyle brightened. Then Draco sauntered off, making a dramatic exit like he was known for among Slytherins. 

Draco only just made it to the bathroom before he began berating himself. Malfoys don't show fear. How would it look, Draco not going back into class? But Draco knew, if the class saw his Boggart, he'd be ruined. It's not like his fears were unrealistic. They had already happened. It's not like Draco needed a spell to fight off fear, he was good at it by now. He knew how to handle flashbacks, when he can still feel ghosts of touches, remembering the darkness, the whispering, the pain, the "Your father said you needed to be punished, but I love too much to let him hurt you." Remembering how it was really his mother that hurt him in worst possible way. He just didn't know how a Boggart would be able to become an event, and he didn't particularly wish to find out. He knew what people thought of his father, knew when Crabbe asked what Lucius used a cane for he was really asking if he had ever used it on Draco. But Draco's father never hurt him. Draco's father never hurt him. Draco knew what he had to fear. 

Draco remembered how his mother used to call him strong, say what a big boy he was, how he'd certainly grow to be as tall as his father. His father, who was never enough for Narcissa. No, she wanted someone younger, someone big enough to do what she wanted him to but young enough to not know what's wrong. She wanted someone who couldn't fight back, and Draco... 

Draco realized, while facing his fears in spite of avoiding the boggart, that he may have been powerless then, but he wasn't now. He could ensure he would never be touched again. Narcissa wanted him to grow up to be big, but he didn't have to. He still had control over what he ended up looking like. Draco Malfoy left the bathroom to go to Potions, in love with his plans for the future. 

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Draco took to spending his time in the library. This wasn't an odd habit, Goyle often spent lunch there as well when he was cramming for a History of Magic test, but Draco began spending every meal in the library. Madam Pince did not allow food in the library, which is why Draco regarded it as a safe haven of sorts. If he didn't eat, he figured, he couldn't grow. If he couldn't grow, his mother would eventually not want anything to do with him, which was what Draco would prefer. 

The only time Draco went to eat meals in the Great Hall was when Hermione was in the library. He knew she might notice him, and he was not in the mood to fraternize with a mud blood. So he would go to the Great Hall, and push food around his plate, and try to avoid his friends remarks about why he never ate with them anymore. He often took the time that he wasn't pretending to eat making fun of Potter, and how he apparently had the Grim after him. Draco looked forward to the boy's misfortune, it would do him good to be knocked down a peg or two. 

Eventually Madam Pince stopped allowing him to go to the library, complaining that she needed to eat in her office and Draco was no longer welcome. Draco then took to spending meals in the Great Hall, simply talking too rapidly to possibly be forced to take a second to eat. 

Snape noticed Draco's disappearances, and thought little of it. He tried making the Slytherins learn nutrient potions, and more often than not let Draco drink the correct ones. Draco allowed this only because it stopped the lightheaded feeling and stomach pains. He had grown to like the sensation of hunger, and relished the thought of controlling his body. Never again will he have to bend to the will of another. Now that he could go a week without food, two weeks without food, nothing could hurt him. Eventually he would cave, once the dizziness overcame him, but he didn't like the feeling of giving up, no matter how much his body felt rewarded by sustenance. He felt like by controlling his diet he was fighting back in a way, no matter that what happened to him was past. He continued his self-starvation throughout most of the year, caving into eating for a few weeks at a time before the flashbacks caught up to him. He was often tired, but never had nightmares, and his friends rarely paid much attention to him, for they were in hysterics over the hype about Sirius Black.

Remus Lupin noticed Draco's disappearance on the first day, and he noticed Draco's attendance to his class every day since, and not just because Draco often made fun of Remus' work attire. Remus noticed Draco's thinning frame as well as his former disappearances from the Great Hall and current eating habits, and decided to do something more drastic than Snape had done. 

"Mr. Malfoy, I'd like to speak to you after class." Professor Lupin said to Draco, quietly so not to embarrass the thirteen year old. 

"Bugger off." Draco muttered under his breath, but he stayed regardless. 

"Draco, I noticed you haven't been eating. Do you want to talk about it?" 

Draco's eyes widened. He hadn't thought anyone would notice. He hadn't thought they'd care. "No." He said, stubbornly resolved. 

"Does this have anything to do with the dementors?" 

"No. Well, maybe..." Draco was considering giving in and talking about it. 

"Draco, I know it doesn't seem like it, but we teachers here at Hogwarts cares about you. Snape has come to me with concerns too. You know, if you don't eat for long enough, eventually you'll die." 

"Dementors show your worst memory. And I just... feel the feelings I did then, only all the time. It doesn't really matter if I die at this point." 

"Draco, you don't have to go through this alone. Your death would matter, to your family-" Lupin was cut off by Draco laughing. 

"My family's the whole reason I stopped eating in the first place. _Draco, you're such a big boy. Draco, you're so strong. _ __It's not like they listened to me when I told them."__

Remus was unsure what to do. He knew he likely should refer Draco to Madam Pomfrey, that thoughts about suicide were serious and if Draco didn't start eating he could irreparably damage his health. But Draco seemed to be hinting at something really bad that had happened to him, and Remus knew better than anyone sometimes talking about it can relieve the weight on one's shoulders. So he responded with a simple "What happened?" 

"My mum... she..." Draco couldn't tell him. "I don't want to talk about it." 

"Okay, you don't have to. But you should see Madam Pomfrey. Your health might be irreparably damaged if you keep this up. I went through a phase like this when I was younger, actually." 

"Really?" Draco didn't know other people starved themselves, let alone one of his teachers had. 

"I ended up in St. Mungo's for about two years. They forced me to go to therapy. My stars, it was awful. You don't want to end up in a place like that." 

"You're right, I don't. I'll go talk to Madam Pomfrey." 

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Soon Professor Lupin was discovered to be a werewolf, and forced to leave Hogwarts. Draco eventually began eating again, and he'd never admit it, but when Lupin was gone, a small part of Draco missed him.


End file.
